shiftingwinds | [7rings] catchall for vira

[ It's very quiet when Vira falls silent, thinking, the room so still around them. ]

I'm not certain.

[ She always wants to be decisive, but of this, she's not sure. ]

How important is it? This lie that you believed.

Incredibly.

[she sighs lightly.]

I can't recall - have I told you what I am, before?

[or did she hear ming yi doxx her as a god at the execution...]

[ mm, well, she hasn't missed an execution yet... ]

I have heard, but I'd rather know from you.

I'm a god.

[she's been admitting that since she came here - it's never been a secret. in the past, she's said it with pride; now, though, the words are said with uncertainty.]

But, where I come from, we aren't born gods. We become them - ascending to the heavens by hard work, or because the heavens saw potential in us. It's on our own merit.

[...and then she laughs a little bitterly.]

Or it's supposed to be. My ascension was a fraud, and I had no idea. My brother orchestrated it.

[ a place where mortals could rise to godhood. it must take an extraordinary person to get there, and she hadn't questioned sqx's conviction any. she's here, and she survived the worst of this place.

still, it must be unnerving to realize this. a betrayal, even. ]

Why would he do that?

...I've been stalked by a monster since I was a child. [she sighs] Where I come from, it's called a Venerable of Empty Words. It attaches itself to a person, feeds on their fear, and then eventually drives them to kill themselves and devours them.

[fun.]

When we were mortal, my family attempted to hide me from it, but it found me eventually. Then, my brother ascended to the heavens, and to protect me, he used his power to... [she frowns] ...to swap my fate with the fate of a man who was meant to ascend.

I became a god. That man and his family were tormented in my place, and they died miserable deaths.

...that would have been bad enough on its own - I never wanted to be saved on the back of someone else's suffering. But then the damn thing found me again.

[so what did they even die for?]

He never said a word. I wouldn't have known if I hadn't seen it in a memory last week.

[ ...It's a heavy story. She's not sure how well the average person would survive that sort of guilt, and Qingxuan seems to be telling her that she is not truly deserving of godhood, but just that. An average person.

It's all pointless and cruel, as fate can sometimes be. She hums quietly. ]

It seems worse, to take the choice out of your hands.

[ Her brother must love her, she thinks. ]

...If your positions were switched, would you have done the same for your brother?

I would have done everything I could to save him. But... I don't think the idea of switching fates would have ever occurred to me. I didn't even know it was possible until I saw that memory.

[fate is supposed to be... well, fate. inescapable.]

Hm. Let me pose the question differently.

If someone offered to save your brother in that way, would you have agreed?

[ is it so different from what they're doing here? ]

[she thinks about it, and...

well. she's conflicted. that much is obvious in her expression, but after a few long moments, she shakes her head.]

...no. I would have tried to find another way. My brother isn't--...

[...]

...I thought he wasn't the type of person to want to hurt someone, for something like that. He's... proud. He wouldn't want to be saved like that...

Or, at least, that's... what I thought...

[ It's a difficult question, a cruel choice to have to make, and she doesn't blame her for needing a moment to mull it over. ]

...If I were in your brother's place, then I may have acted the same way.

[ Love would always come before pride. Love comes before so much. ]

Do you think that makes me an evil person?

...

[she shakes her head]

...not evil, no.

Not evil, but cold, perhaps.

[ and maybe other words that she would have trouble leveling at her family. vira is not interested in torturing good people—she can empathize either way. ]

All the same, I would not let it rattle you. How you became a god is not relevant—you are not defined by your brother's lies and the cruel things he would do for you, nor this monster that nips at your heels.

Are you proud of yourself, for the things you have done with your godhood? That is what I would say matters.

...I don't know about cold either... a cold person wouldn't want to save someone.

[but... still.

if she were stronger, maybe her brother wouldn't have felt the need to do such a thing at all. maybe the person whose fate was swapped with hers would have been living the life they always should have had, and maybe their family wouldn't have suffered miserable deaths.]

I've always done my best to live up to my godhood. I think... I've done things to be proud of, yes.

[but it's hard to be proud of herself now, knowing she wouldn't have been able to do any of those things if she hadn't stolen someone else's fate.]

[ ...vira finally sits beside her, mostly because by now the red puffiness of her eyes has settled. ]

At least as someone with both power and a kind heart, you can make things right. Most often, people lack for one or the other.

[ that's what she thinks, anyway. it seems this will haunt her forever if she does not do something, and eternity must be a very long time for a god. ]

Since you asked for my opinion, I would say that a lie of that magnitude would rattle me. But ultimately, your own identity is all you have control over—to lose sight of who you are is a dangerous thing.

[...make things right, huh. she wonders how she can do that.

but at least while they're stuck here, she'll have plenty of time to figure it out. it feels like the sort of thing she'd try to rush in and find an immediate answer to, if she were back home, with all of it in front of her - with her brother right there.]

...thank you, Vira.

[...]

The memory I saw... it hasn't happened for me, yet. But, Ming-xiong says it's soon, going by the last thing that I remember. [...] He said I gave up my godhood after I found out about it. But... what I saw was after that, and it looks like I must have confronted my brother about it without my power.

...it... went poorly. [she brings a hand up to her throat, her expression a little haunted.] But maybe things can be different, since I know about it now. Maybe I can find a better way to make this right.

[ she shoots her a sideways, sympathetic look, though she's just as tired. something about this hour makes it easier to open up, but it is a vulnerable moment. ]

You have an opportunity to do so here, at least.

[ she sighs quietly, luminiera settling in her arms for attention as she gazes out at nothing in particular. at least space is lovely. ]

You were resilient enough to survive a machine built for killing. If you seek the right help here, and make a clever enough wish, I don't see why you couldn't change fate for the better.

[that's...

yes. that's possible, isn't it? she smiles, looking out at the space that yuel will be fighting for her life in later on in the week.]

...you're right. I just have to keep that in mind. [she breathes out] ...I feel a lot better, now that we've talked. Really... thank you.

[ she's not really the comforting type, and she hasn't really said anything nice, so this is kind of a surprise. but she looks over at her, quiet for a moment before she nods. ]

...I'm glad. For what it's worth, I think you can do it.

[ she's come this far already. ]

I really appreciate that.

[it's -

it's not comforting, in the most direct sense of the word. but shi qingxuan has lived most of her life with people keeping her in the dark, even about things that affect her.

so for vira to not shy away from asking her tough questions, and to say she believes in her -

it really means a lot.]

[7rings] catchall for vira

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