there's a moment of panic when he actually calls her on it - but it softens into something a little fond and a little touched.]
Thanks, Mineo.
[she feels a little awkward, though.]
It's not that I don't want to tell, but I guess it's... [a beat. how to explain it...] ...I'm not really used to people asking? Ahaha, that probably sounds strange to say. It's not anything because of you guys, it's -
You've seen the profiles, right? I was pretty mad when I saw "making fair-weather friends" on there for me, but it's true. There aren't many people in the heavens who will actually stick by you when things get tough.
[ . . . there's just a little bit of a huff of a laugh at that - an amusement note in his emotions, but an otherwise understanding one. and maybe just a bit... concerned?]
.... I don't know if I could really make it through the heavens but - I get that. How hard it can be to find people who'll be honest with you, and stay at your side.
But... we're not friends like that, right? [he gives her a smile, aiming for reassuring] ... so even if it's a little awkward, or if you're rusty, we can talk about whatever you want. If anything, I'm sorry for taking this long to ask.
[she smiles back at him - there's gratitude, for sure; despite all the murder, she really has met some wonderful people here, hasn't she? (although a lot of the people who are kind to her keep turning out to be murderers. funny how that works.)
that conflicted, complicated feeling bubbles up again, as she thinks about what she wants to say and how she wants to say it.]
It's... in the heavens, Ming-xiong was... the first person other than my brother who ever did anything for me without asking for anything in return. [...] And he was the first person other than my brother who stayed with me even when things were difficult.
So I'm - ahaha, this is sort of pathetic. I'm happy other people are seeing how great he can be, but it's a little... it feels strange, to not be the person who's closest to him anymore.
[ . . . . he listens thoughtfully, and carefully as he walks along with her. there's warm feelings of that - of appreciation for their relationship.
but there's also the sense of understanding then, when she implies the jealousy. even if there's a spark of defensiveness on her behalf - ]
That's not pathetic, Shi-san. [ . . . ] And maybe it's hard to feel that, even if you hear it but... it's really not. If someone means that much to you, then of course you want to stay with them that intensely. You want to be the only person they look at, even if you know that's not really possible.
[his emotions then are - so understanding. if only because he's been there before. it's familiar to him.]
[she sighs, and the sigh is accompanied with - well. guilt. it's definitely guilt. wow, she really wishes she could turn off whatever's broadcasting her feelings like this.]
It'd be selfish for me to want that... for a lot of reasons. [...] And it does feel ugly. I ... I don't like how it makes me feel.
It's mine to deal with and mine to get over, though. It'll happen, eventually.
[ . . . . he looks like he's dancing around the subject for a second but - ]
Um.... I can give you my honesty in exchange, if you feel like I'm asking too much. I've felt jealous here, and I've tried to turn it off. It... does get duller over time, but I think it just means that person means a lot to you.
[ . . . ]
Are you - in love with Ming Yi-san, Shi-san?
And does... the complicated stuff - does it have to do with Meg-san?
Those things that happened to him, the things he lost... it was because of me and my brother. I didn't know, until I saw his memories a few weeks ago. There was so much I didn't know.
[she looks down.]
...so, it's... it's complicated. [...] But I really am happy, that he's finding other people he can be close to - people who won't just... remind him of that.
for some reason, there is still a feeling of understanding. but it almost feels... mirrored. like this sort of situation is somewhat familiar to him, even if he struggles for a second to figure out how to say it.]
... have you talked with him about it?
Do you... think he blames you for it? And that you're only a painful reminder for him...?
We've talked about it a little. It's... difficult for us both.
[as she's sure mineo can imagine, given - well, given the understanding she's feeling from him.]
...he was trying to figure out how to tell me, and then this place showed me before he was ready to. [...] Don't tell him I told you, okay? It's - we're working on it.
It's not anything you need to worry about, it'll work out, it's just... it's hard, sometimes. And I guess this week, people are going to know it, but I don't want anyone to worry. It's hard, but it'll... it'll be okay.
[ . . . . . there's - a little bit of a bitter laugh at that.]
... yeah. This place spilled one of my secrets to Takeru too - uh, a pretty big one. One that.... I really should've told him beforehand, but I wasn't sure how to.
[so he... gets it. he does. even if there's still something in his gaze and his emotions that are contemplative.]
.... it is hard but I think - I mean... I won't get involved, obviously. But... I think talking about some stuff can make it feel lighter. I don't know, maybe it's just because that's what I always wanted to do when I felt stuck but...
[ . . . ]
Being on rocky terms with your best friend - that's hard. But that doesn't mean you can't rely on your others. I don't want you to feel lonely, Shi-san. I think... that's the worst feeling in the world.
I'm sorry. It's a shame you weren't able to do it on your own terms.
[this place really does like messing with them, doesn't it?
but she breathes out. there's no changing the fact it happened; all they can really do is move forward, even with the memories out there. it sounds like he's working on things with sasazuka; that's good.]
Thanks, though. You're a really good guy, you know that?
[it sounds - and feels - like she genuinely means that.]
[there's a little bit of a laugh at her compliment, a little bit of warmth blossoming in his chest from the appreciation and - the sense that it's nice. to hear something like that from someone like her. it really is important to him, every time someone trusts him a little.
. . . he just smiles quietly though.]
.... I'm really - .... it's funny, because this place is so hard. But I... I got to meet a lot of people who look out for me. I'm not used to that. Or at least... not having people look out for me as obviously as they do.
I... really don't feel lonely though. Not when people are always checking up on me -
But I think you must do that for a lot of people, Shi-san... I'll try to do it more for you in return too. Just so it's even.
[WHY IS EVERYONE HERE SO FUCKING STUNTED - damn he gets it though. he just grins at her relief and beams right back at her. damn, he's so fond. he loves sqx in a totally sensible and friend way.]
Aw, well that's not hard for me at all. I'm not kidding about feeling looked after.
People here are way nicer than they pretend to be.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shiftingwinds) wrote2021-02-10 07:01 pm
no subject
there's a moment of panic when he actually calls her on it - but it softens into something a little fond and a little touched.]
Thanks, Mineo.
[she feels a little awkward, though.]
It's not that I don't want to tell, but I guess it's... [a beat. how to explain it...] ...I'm not really used to people asking? Ahaha, that probably sounds strange to say. It's not anything because of you guys, it's -
You've seen the profiles, right? I was pretty mad when I saw "making fair-weather friends" on there for me, but it's true. There aren't many people in the heavens who will actually stick by you when things get tough.
no subject
.... I don't know if I could really make it through the heavens but - I get that. How hard it can be to find people who'll be honest with you, and stay at your side.
But... we're not friends like that, right? [he gives her a smile, aiming for reassuring] ... so even if it's a little awkward, or if you're rusty, we can talk about whatever you want. If anything, I'm sorry for taking this long to ask.
no subject
[she smiles back at him - there's gratitude, for sure; despite all the murder, she really has met some wonderful people here, hasn't she? (although a lot of the people who are kind to her keep turning out to be murderers. funny how that works.)
that conflicted, complicated feeling bubbles up again, as she thinks about what she wants to say and how she wants to say it.]
It's... in the heavens, Ming-xiong was... the first person other than my brother who ever did anything for me without asking for anything in return. [...] And he was the first person other than my brother who stayed with me even when things were difficult.
So I'm - ahaha, this is sort of pathetic. I'm happy other people are seeing how great he can be, but it's a little... it feels strange, to not be the person who's closest to him anymore.
no subject
but there's also the sense of understanding then, when she implies the jealousy. even if there's a spark of defensiveness on her behalf - ]
That's not pathetic, Shi-san. [ . . . ] And maybe it's hard to feel that, even if you hear it but... it's really not. If someone means that much to you, then of course you want to stay with them that intensely. You want to be the only person they look at, even if you know that's not really possible.
[his emotions then are - so understanding. if only because he's been there before. it's familiar to him.]
... it feels kinda ugly at the time though, huh.
no subject
[she sighs, and the sigh is accompanied with - well. guilt. it's definitely guilt. wow, she really wishes she could turn off whatever's broadcasting her feelings like this.]
It'd be selfish for me to want that... for a lot of reasons. [...] And it does feel ugly. I ... I don't like how it makes me feel.
It's mine to deal with and mine to get over, though. It'll happen, eventually.
no subject
Um.... I can give you my honesty in exchange, if you feel like I'm asking too much. I've felt jealous here, and I've tried to turn it off. It... does get duller over time, but I think it just means that person means a lot to you.
[ . . . ]
Are you - in love with Ming Yi-san, Shi-san?
And does... the complicated stuff - does it have to do with Meg-san?
no subject
Why are you the second person in this place who's asked me if I'm in love with him.
no subject
Sometimes it can take a little while to notice if you have feelings for someone. [..... another note of familiarity there]
And when you're in love, jealousy's even more likely.
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[she sighs]
...how much has he told you about... what his life was like?
no subject
[ . . . ]
What he's lost. The space he was - trapped in? Jailed in? All the things that he's struggled with.
I don't know if that's enough for you to get an idea but...
[he does think that he's at least... somewhat familiar with ming yi]
no subject
[the guilt intensifies.]
Those things that happened to him, the things he lost... it was because of me and my brother. I didn't know, until I saw his memories a few weeks ago. There was so much I didn't know.
[she looks down.]
...so, it's... it's complicated. [...] But I really am happy, that he's finding other people he can be close to - people who won't just... remind him of that.
no subject
for some reason, there is still a feeling of understanding. but it almost feels... mirrored. like this sort of situation is somewhat familiar to him, even if he struggles for a second to figure out how to say it.]
... have you talked with him about it?
Do you... think he blames you for it? And that you're only a painful reminder for him...?
no subject
[as she's sure mineo can imagine, given - well, given the understanding she's feeling from him.]
...he was trying to figure out how to tell me, and then this place showed me before he was ready to. [...] Don't tell him I told you, okay? It's - we're working on it.
It's not anything you need to worry about, it'll work out, it's just... it's hard, sometimes. And I guess this week, people are going to know it, but I don't want anyone to worry. It's hard, but it'll... it'll be okay.
no subject
... yeah. This place spilled one of my secrets to Takeru too - uh, a pretty big one. One that.... I really should've told him beforehand, but I wasn't sure how to.
[so he... gets it. he does. even if there's still something in his gaze and his emotions that are contemplative.]
.... it is hard but I think - I mean... I won't get involved, obviously. But... I think talking about some stuff can make it feel lighter. I don't know, maybe it's just because that's what I always wanted to do when I felt stuck but...
[ . . . ]
Being on rocky terms with your best friend - that's hard. But that doesn't mean you can't rely on your others. I don't want you to feel lonely, Shi-san. I think... that's the worst feeling in the world.
no subject
them, icly: fuck memshares
but she shoots him a sympathetic smile at that.]
I'm sorry. It's a shame you weren't able to do it on your own terms.
[this place really does like messing with them, doesn't it?
but she breathes out. there's no changing the fact it happened; all they can really do is move forward, even with the memories out there. it sounds like he's working on things with sasazuka; that's good.]
Thanks, though. You're a really good guy, you know that?
[it sounds - and feels - like she genuinely means that.]
I don't want you to feel lonely, either.
no subject
. . . he just smiles quietly though.]
.... I'm really - .... it's funny, because this place is so hard. But I... I got to meet a lot of people who look out for me. I'm not used to that. Or at least... not having people look out for me as obviously as they do.
I... really don't feel lonely though. Not when people are always checking up on me -
But I think you must do that for a lot of people, Shi-san... I'll try to do it more for you in return too. Just so it's even.
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[she smiles, and there's a definite fondness in her general vibes right now. mineo honestly is very sweet.]
If you check on me because you want to, I'll welcome it.
...because we're friends, right?
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[easily, and with plenty of affection coming from his end too. it's nice, to feel like you're on even ground with someone.]
Then just know - I'm always checking on you because I want to, because as much as I can, I'd like it if you could be happy.
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she beams.]
Knowing you care makes me happy. Thank you! I want that for you, too, you know!
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Aw, well that's not hard for me at all. I'm not kidding about feeling looked after.
People here are way nicer than they pretend to be.
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[they have come full circle.]