shiftingwinds | [7rings] catchall for vira

[ it's very late at night—or very, very early in the morning, depending on perspective—when vira wanders into the observing room. it's quiet, though not in an overwhelming way like some other places. so it's nice, for nights that don't seem to end like this one.

she has a small, strange little creature following along close beside her, floating easily off the ground. but that's not the only company here, apparently, because she spots sqx sitting here already. vira sounds a little surprised. ]

You're up quite late.

[she's staring out at the stars - real stars! wow! imagine that! - when vira wanders into the room. her footsteps are very quiet, but in the silence that comes with the late hour, they're easy to hear.

she looks back at her over her shoulder, and... she looks pretty tired.]

Ahaha... so are you.

[ that makes two of them—but is it really a surprise? who would be out and about in a place like this, if not because sleep evades them?

she steps a bit closer before turning her gaze up at the space around them. ]

So I am. [ ... ] Is something weighing on you, then?

[she chuckles, and it sounds a little bitter.]

Everything that's been going on doesn't lend itself well to nights of peaceful sleep.

No, I suppose it doesn't.

[ she sounds passive, resigned. ]

You seem to have had an unpleasant few weeks especially.

...

[she makes a face, but nods]

It's not the worst I've lived through, though. So...

[it's fine?]

Don't be silly—that doesn't mean what you're experiencing lately is any less painful.

[ she is gently chiding, but not cold. ]

Especially if it all follows you into sleep.

Aaaah, well...

[she's got a point there. she'd like to argue it, but she really can't.]

It's kind of you to be concerned. [...] I'm not quite sure how much I should say...

However much you care to.

[ She's not really the type to pry, her eyes still trained on the space beyond them. ]

...You can think of it as an indulgence, if you like. I've done it myself, for Despair.

Despair... aah, that's fitting.

[she stares out into space, too.]

Vira, can I ask you... if there was something you believed about yourself for your whole life, and you found out that it wasn't true... what would you do?

[ It's very quiet when Vira falls silent, thinking, the room so still around them. ]

I'm not certain.

[ She always wants to be decisive, but of this, she's not sure. ]

How important is it? This lie that you believed.

Incredibly.

[she sighs lightly.]

I can't recall - have I told you what I am, before?

[or did she hear ming yi doxx her as a god at the execution...]

[ mm, well, she hasn't missed an execution yet... ]

I have heard, but I'd rather know from you.

I'm a god.

[she's been admitting that since she came here - it's never been a secret. in the past, she's said it with pride; now, though, the words are said with uncertainty.]

But, where I come from, we aren't born gods. We become them - ascending to the heavens by hard work, or because the heavens saw potential in us. It's on our own merit.

[...and then she laughs a little bitterly.]

Or it's supposed to be. My ascension was a fraud, and I had no idea. My brother orchestrated it.

[ a place where mortals could rise to godhood. it must take an extraordinary person to get there, and she hadn't questioned sqx's conviction any. she's here, and she survived the worst of this place.

still, it must be unnerving to realize this. a betrayal, even. ]

Why would he do that?

...I've been stalked by a monster since I was a child. [she sighs] Where I come from, it's called a Venerable of Empty Words. It attaches itself to a person, feeds on their fear, and then eventually drives them to kill themselves and devours them.

[fun.]

When we were mortal, my family attempted to hide me from it, but it found me eventually. Then, my brother ascended to the heavens, and to protect me, he used his power to... [she frowns] ...to swap my fate with the fate of a man who was meant to ascend.

I became a god. That man and his family were tormented in my place, and they died miserable deaths.

...that would have been bad enough on its own - I never wanted to be saved on the back of someone else's suffering. But then the damn thing found me again.

[so what did they even die for?]

He never said a word. I wouldn't have known if I hadn't seen it in a memory last week.

[ ...It's a heavy story. She's not sure how well the average person would survive that sort of guilt, and Qingxuan seems to be telling her that she is not truly deserving of godhood, but just that. An average person.

It's all pointless and cruel, as fate can sometimes be. She hums quietly. ]

It seems worse, to take the choice out of your hands.

[ Her brother must love her, she thinks. ]

...If your positions were switched, would you have done the same for your brother?

I would have done everything I could to save him. But... I don't think the idea of switching fates would have ever occurred to me. I didn't even know it was possible until I saw that memory.

[fate is supposed to be... well, fate. inescapable.]

Hm. Let me pose the question differently.

If someone offered to save your brother in that way, would you have agreed?

[ is it so different from what they're doing here? ]

[she thinks about it, and...

well. she's conflicted. that much is obvious in her expression, but after a few long moments, she shakes her head.]

...no. I would have tried to find another way. My brother isn't--...

[...]

...I thought he wasn't the type of person to want to hurt someone, for something like that. He's... proud. He wouldn't want to be saved like that...

Or, at least, that's... what I thought...

[ It's a difficult question, a cruel choice to have to make, and she doesn't blame her for needing a moment to mull it over. ]

...If I were in your brother's place, then I may have acted the same way.

[ Love would always come before pride. Love comes before so much. ]

Do you think that makes me an evil person?

...

[she shakes her head]

...not evil, no.

Not evil, but cold, perhaps.

[ and maybe other words that she would have trouble leveling at her family. vira is not interested in torturing good people—she can empathize either way. ]

All the same, I would not let it rattle you. How you became a god is not relevant—you are not defined by your brother's lies and the cruel things he would do for you, nor this monster that nips at your heels.

Are you proud of yourself, for the things you have done with your godhood? That is what I would say matters.

...I don't know about cold either... a cold person wouldn't want to save someone.

[but... still.

if she were stronger, maybe her brother wouldn't have felt the need to do such a thing at all. maybe the person whose fate was swapped with hers would have been living the life they always should have had, and maybe their family wouldn't have suffered miserable deaths.]

I've always done my best to live up to my godhood. I think... I've done things to be proud of, yes.

[but it's hard to be proud of herself now, knowing she wouldn't have been able to do any of those things if she hadn't stolen someone else's fate.]

[ ...vira finally sits beside her, mostly because by now the red puffiness of her eyes has settled. ]

At least as someone with both power and a kind heart, you can make things right. Most often, people lack for one or the other.

[ that's what she thinks, anyway. it seems this will haunt her forever if she does not do something, and eternity must be a very long time for a god. ]

Since you asked for my opinion, I would say that a lie of that magnitude would rattle me. But ultimately, your own identity is all you have control over—to lose sight of who you are is a dangerous thing.

[7rings] catchall for vira

w3 - tuesday

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