It's not like I'm saying I don't want anything to do with them. I just, if it's hard to watch, I'd rather focus on something else until I feel better about it than try to interfere.
...I always thought I'd like it if more people could see how great he was.
I just - didn't realize it would feel like I was losing him when someone did. But that's not... [...] It's not like he was ever mine in the first place.
[because it was very much Not Like That between them, and also, his life was ruined for her sake. so! so.
You can want them both to be happy - but I think they'd want you to be happy too. I just... don't know if it's possible to make that happen unless you all talk about it?
I don't think... they'd feel good about themselves, if they realized their happiness was hurting you. At least... that's not how I'd feel, if I was in their situation.
But for what it's worth... I think he does treasure you, Shi-san. A lot.
[ . . . he tilts his head at that, a little confused.]
.... I think, if you know all these things about someone and how they hurt you and you still choose to stay at their side - that counts for something. He was really unhappy when you had to fight the robot, and also so worried for you when you disappeared on Thursday.
Ming Yi-san has his tsundere tendencies too... but I think he wouldn't put that much investment in someone he didn't consider important to him.
Even if things are complicated... you might be letting your own guilt weigh you down more than even he would want, Shi-san. [ . . . ] If I could guess.
mineo very well might be right, but - she really doesn't know what to say, if he is. and though she's not sure if she can believe it, she recognizes that he's trying to help, so she doesn't want to argue with him, either.]
.... I've been there too. Uh. I don't think I'm even as right as Takeru used to be but... sometimes he said things that hurt a little too much when trying to help, so I'd go quiet because I couldn't say anything back.
...I think it just will take time. There's... you know. More than five hundred years of...
[she waves a hand]
...five hundred years of me not even having a clue that I was the reason he and his family had suffered while he had to know everything and never said a word. I'm sure I must have hurt him over and over without realizing it. I can deal with a few weeks of complicated feelings.
[ . . . . there's just a soft little hum at that, thoughtful and quiet. he nods.]
.... it seems like it's really hard for immortals... I don't know if I can really get it, but if this time really doesn't feel like it's as much to you...
[he still thinks it's uncomfortable, but.]
.... if you're from different points in time [this was said at. A meeting. i don't remember which one. work with me.] do you think that'll change anything when you go home...?
[ . . . . he just shifts the sand around a little bit, occupying his hand with it.]
.... I guess I just thought of it because Takeru and I are from different times too - though our situation's... a little more complicated in some ways.
[he glances back at her]
It's weird to think, isn't it? That... we might not get to meet these versions of our - well, your best friend, my partner. ... Our people, once we leave here...? Or maybe you will once you hit a certain point in time...?
I don't know. Knowing what I do now, there's no way things would turn out the same way he remembers them for me. So much of what happened depended on me not knowing things, for them to turn out the way they did for him.
[there's basically no way for her timeline to flow into his; they won't match up anymore.]
...it's really strange to think about. And a little scary, too.
[they need to go home, but -
it'll feel almost like losing them, somehow, she thinks. though she doesn't know the specifics, it's probably even worse for mineo and sasazuka - from what she's heard bits and pieces of when they've talked in public, it's not just a matter of being further ahead in time for them.]
[ . . . . how complicated. it makes him falter a little bit to think about - to think about how sqx's future might be completely changed so that she may very well never meet the ming yi that's gone through this whole thing with her.
he shifts a little uncomfortably, and then getting a little close to a truth that he's been holding close to the chest - ]
... I know that wishes are up in the air - and I... I don't know what yours or Ming Yi-san's are but...
I'm - changing what I originally came for. I don't know if it's more or less expensive than my original wish, but... I decided I'm following Takeru to his timeline, whatever that means. Just so the memories that I've made here can chase after him when I think he might need me. Is this too much...? [softly, like he's trying to still be mindful of takeru's privacy]
Maybe that's one thing but... I'm sorry.
That it's so complicated.
[and - if she'll allow it - he will let his hand just rest on top of hers, warm and steady]
...he's lucky to have someone like you in his life, Mineo.
[her situation seems hopeless to her. much better to focus on his, especially because it doesn't seem anywhere near as focus! wow, what a good (boy)friend mineo is to sasazuka.]
I think there may be a lot of us whose original wishes have changed. Mine... doesn't really apply anymore. I have some idea what I'd ask for, if it does turn out that we still get something at the end of this, but - first and foremost, we need to figure out how to get the dead back.
[if that's something they can use their wishes on, at the end...]
You know we're all just as lucky to know you though, right?
[it's easy to mirror the sincerity - but he still smiles like he's touched, happy to hear that maybe he can add something to the lives of people he cares about.
though he seems thoughtful at her statement, nodding a little bit as he goes to look at the stars]
.... yeah. I just... Wishes can't be negotiable - no matter what happens. For us, for the Avatars... I just want to make sure that all of this -
It actually means something. But... I still hope that you figure out what you want, out of your situation too. Greed-san told me to not lose sight of my goals while I'm here... so don't be so selfless you forget to demand stuff for you too, yeah?
[there's a brief pause where she seems to be struggling for words, but - she manages a smile.]
It's very kind of you to say that.
[but, right... her gaze follows his to the stars, and she hums thoughtfully.]
I agree with you - I don't want us all to have suffered for no reason. [she's not sure that any wish could be worth the loss of life, but - if they manage to come out of it, it would almost be too sad to have nothing to show for their time here but new traumas.] ...and, ahaha, I'm really not as selfless as you think, Mineo. I have an idea of what I want to ask for.
And I think I know how to get it even after we return home, if it's not possible here.
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shiftingwinds) wrote2021-02-10 07:01 pm
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[...]
But my feelings aren't their responsibility. Besides, I am happy they've got each other to rely on. They've both had hard lives, they deserve that.
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Are you excluding yourself from their duo now...?
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Would... you feel better if you were invited...?
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I don't know. I just - I really don't know.
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but he'll at least reach out then to try to touch the back of her hand gently]
... it's okay if you don't.
I just - thought it might help to at least talk about it...?
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I just - didn't realize it would feel like I was losing him when someone did. But that's not... [...] It's not like he was ever mine in the first place.
[because it was very much Not Like That between them, and also, his life was ruined for her sake. so! so.
It's Complicated.]
I just want them both to be happy.
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You can want them both to be happy - but I think they'd want you to be happy too. I just... don't know if it's possible to make that happen unless you all talk about it?
I don't think... they'd feel good about themselves, if they realized their happiness was hurting you. At least... that's not how I'd feel, if I was in their situation.
But for what it's worth... I think he does treasure you, Shi-san. A lot.
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[if she could just get over it.....]
...ahaha, I hope you're right. It would be - nice.
[...]
I'd like to be someone he can actually call his best friend.
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.... I think, if you know all these things about someone and how they hurt you and you still choose to stay at their side - that counts for something. He was really unhappy when you had to fight the robot, and also so worried for you when you disappeared on Thursday.
Ming Yi-san has his tsundere tendencies too... but I think he wouldn't put that much investment in someone he didn't consider important to him.
Even if things are complicated... you might be letting your own guilt weigh you down more than even he would want, Shi-san. [ . . . ] If I could guess.
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[well, she goes quiet at that.
mineo very well might be right, but - she really doesn't know what to say, if he is. and though she's not sure if she can believe it, she recognizes that he's trying to help, so she doesn't want to argue with him, either.]
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Erm, sorry, I didn't mean to say the wrong thing...
[ . . . he'll just reach out then, to lightly touch the back of her hand]
It just sounds like this has been bothering you, Shi-san... and it's hard to watch a friend go through that...
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[she glances over at him and manages a small smile]
No, I... just don't know what to say. [...] Thank you, Mineo.
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You don't have to thank me if I messed up....
[but he does try to give her a small smile]
.... I've been there too. Uh. I don't think I'm even as right as Takeru used to be but... sometimes he said things that hurt a little too much when trying to help, so I'd go quiet because I couldn't say anything back.
[ . . . ]
I'm sorry, if I made you feel anything like that.
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[she smiles back]
...I think it just will take time. There's... you know. More than five hundred years of...
[she waves a hand]
...five hundred years of me not even having a clue that I was the reason he and his family had suffered while he had to know everything and never said a word. I'm sure I must have hurt him over and over without realizing it. I can deal with a few weeks of complicated feelings.
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.... it seems like it's really hard for immortals... I don't know if I can really get it, but if this time really doesn't feel like it's as much to you...
[he still thinks it's uncomfortable, but.]
.... if you're from different points in time [this was said at. A meeting. i don't remember which one. work with me.] do you think that'll change anything when you go home...?
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[yeah. she's... yeah, she's thought of that.]
I don't know. I... I really don't know. If we're not going back to the same point in time, then...
[...well, it's going to be even more complicated.]
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.... I guess I just thought of it because Takeru and I are from different times too - though our situation's... a little more complicated in some ways.
[he glances back at her]
It's weird to think, isn't it? That... we might not get to meet these versions of our - well, your best friend, my partner. ... Our people, once we leave here...? Or maybe you will once you hit a certain point in time...?
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[honestly, she just has no idea]
I don't know. Knowing what I do now, there's no way things would turn out the same way he remembers them for me. So much of what happened depended on me not knowing things, for them to turn out the way they did for him.
[there's basically no way for her timeline to flow into his; they won't match up anymore.]
...it's really strange to think about. And a little scary, too.
[they need to go home, but -
it'll feel almost like losing them, somehow, she thinks. though she doesn't know the specifics, it's probably even worse for mineo and sasazuka - from what she's heard bits and pieces of when they've talked in public, it's not just a matter of being further ahead in time for them.]
...a little lonely.
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he shifts a little uncomfortably, and then getting a little close to a truth that he's been holding close to the chest - ]
... I know that wishes are up in the air - and I... I don't know what yours or Ming Yi-san's are but...
I'm - changing what I originally came for. I don't know if it's more or less expensive than my original wish, but... I decided I'm following Takeru to his timeline, whatever that means. Just so the memories that I've made here can chase after him when I think he might need me. Is this too much...? [softly, like he's trying to still be mindful of takeru's privacy]
Maybe that's one thing but... I'm sorry.
That it's so complicated.
[and - if she'll allow it - he will let his hand just rest on top of hers, warm and steady]
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[she smiles faintly at that]
...he's lucky to have someone like you in his life, Mineo.
[her situation seems hopeless to her. much better to focus on his, especially because it doesn't seem anywhere near as focus! wow, what a good (boy)friend mineo is to sasazuka.]
I think there may be a lot of us whose original wishes have changed. Mine... doesn't really apply anymore. I have some idea what I'd ask for, if it does turn out that we still get something at the end of this, but - first and foremost, we need to figure out how to get the dead back.
[if that's something they can use their wishes on, at the end...]
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[it's easy to mirror the sincerity - but he still smiles like he's touched, happy to hear that maybe he can add something to the lives of people he cares about.
though he seems thoughtful at her statement, nodding a little bit as he goes to look at the stars]
.... yeah. I just... Wishes can't be negotiable - no matter what happens. For us, for the Avatars... I just want to make sure that all of this -
It actually means something. But... I still hope that you figure out what you want, out of your situation too. Greed-san told me to not lose sight of my goals while I'm here... so don't be so selfless you forget to demand stuff for you too, yeah?
Maybe we can both try to remember that.
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It's very kind of you to say that.
[but, right... her gaze follows his to the stars, and she hums thoughtfully.]
I agree with you - I don't want us all to have suffered for no reason. [she's not sure that any wish could be worth the loss of life, but - if they manage to come out of it, it would almost be too sad to have nothing to show for their time here but new traumas.] ...and, ahaha, I'm really not as selfless as you think, Mineo. I have an idea of what I want to ask for.
And I think I know how to get it even after we return home, if it's not possible here.