It doesn't really matter. There are more important things than what I'm jealous of, and in any case, it's fine, isn't it? At least I'm aligned with envy right now, so it can at least be a little useful.
It's not like I'm saying I don't want anything to do with them. I just, if it's hard to watch, I'd rather focus on something else until I feel better about it than try to interfere.
...I always thought I'd like it if more people could see how great he was.
I just - didn't realize it would feel like I was losing him when someone did. But that's not... [...] It's not like he was ever mine in the first place.
[because it was very much Not Like That between them, and also, his life was ruined for her sake. so! so.
You can want them both to be happy - but I think they'd want you to be happy too. I just... don't know if it's possible to make that happen unless you all talk about it?
I don't think... they'd feel good about themselves, if they realized their happiness was hurting you. At least... that's not how I'd feel, if I was in their situation.
But for what it's worth... I think he does treasure you, Shi-san. A lot.
[ . . . he tilts his head at that, a little confused.]
.... I think, if you know all these things about someone and how they hurt you and you still choose to stay at their side - that counts for something. He was really unhappy when you had to fight the robot, and also so worried for you when you disappeared on Thursday.
Ming Yi-san has his tsundere tendencies too... but I think he wouldn't put that much investment in someone he didn't consider important to him.
Even if things are complicated... you might be letting your own guilt weigh you down more than even he would want, Shi-san. [ . . . ] If I could guess.
mineo very well might be right, but - she really doesn't know what to say, if he is. and though she's not sure if she can believe it, she recognizes that he's trying to help, so she doesn't want to argue with him, either.]
.... I've been there too. Uh. I don't think I'm even as right as Takeru used to be but... sometimes he said things that hurt a little too much when trying to help, so I'd go quiet because I couldn't say anything back.
...I think it just will take time. There's... you know. More than five hundred years of...
[she waves a hand]
...five hundred years of me not even having a clue that I was the reason he and his family had suffered while he had to know everything and never said a word. I'm sure I must have hurt him over and over without realizing it. I can deal with a few weeks of complicated feelings.
[ . . . . there's just a soft little hum at that, thoughtful and quiet. he nods.]
.... it seems like it's really hard for immortals... I don't know if I can really get it, but if this time really doesn't feel like it's as much to you...
[he still thinks it's uncomfortable, but.]
.... if you're from different points in time [this was said at. A meeting. i don't remember which one. work with me.] do you think that'll change anything when you go home...?
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shiftingwinds) wrote2021-02-10 07:01 pm
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They moved around - I think it just moved from my hand to my shoulder. You just couldn't see it because it was under my robes.
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... uh-huh...
[ . . . ]
Were you feeling jealous again, over Ming Yi-san...? [a beat] You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to but...
Over the past week, I've just had a lot of conversations about jealousy so it wouldn't be that weird to me...?
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she sighs]
It doesn't really matter. There are more important things than what I'm jealous of, and in any case, it's fine, isn't it? At least I'm aligned with envy right now, so it can at least be a little useful.
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[gently but a little firmly]
Have you not been able to talk more to Ming Yi-san or Meg-san about it?
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she looks out at the water]
I'm not sure I want to talk to them about it. It's mine to get over, it's not their problem.
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... why is it a problem...?
They care about you. If a friend was feeling jealous over something I was doing, I'd want to know.
Wouldn't you say the same?
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All they're doing is being close to each other. That's a good thing. If I'm feeling jealous about it, that's on me, not on them.
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[okay he'll move to sit up a little now, brushing some sand off of him as he looks to her]
Your feelings still matter. You know that, right?
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[...]
But my feelings aren't their responsibility. Besides, I am happy they've got each other to rely on. They've both had hard lives, they deserve that.
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Are you excluding yourself from their duo now...?
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Would... you feel better if you were invited...?
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I don't know. I just - I really don't know.
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but he'll at least reach out then to try to touch the back of her hand gently]
... it's okay if you don't.
I just - thought it might help to at least talk about it...?
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I just - didn't realize it would feel like I was losing him when someone did. But that's not... [...] It's not like he was ever mine in the first place.
[because it was very much Not Like That between them, and also, his life was ruined for her sake. so! so.
It's Complicated.]
I just want them both to be happy.
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You can want them both to be happy - but I think they'd want you to be happy too. I just... don't know if it's possible to make that happen unless you all talk about it?
I don't think... they'd feel good about themselves, if they realized their happiness was hurting you. At least... that's not how I'd feel, if I was in their situation.
But for what it's worth... I think he does treasure you, Shi-san. A lot.
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[if she could just get over it.....]
...ahaha, I hope you're right. It would be - nice.
[...]
I'd like to be someone he can actually call his best friend.
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.... I think, if you know all these things about someone and how they hurt you and you still choose to stay at their side - that counts for something. He was really unhappy when you had to fight the robot, and also so worried for you when you disappeared on Thursday.
Ming Yi-san has his tsundere tendencies too... but I think he wouldn't put that much investment in someone he didn't consider important to him.
Even if things are complicated... you might be letting your own guilt weigh you down more than even he would want, Shi-san. [ . . . ] If I could guess.
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[well, she goes quiet at that.
mineo very well might be right, but - she really doesn't know what to say, if he is. and though she's not sure if she can believe it, she recognizes that he's trying to help, so she doesn't want to argue with him, either.]
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Erm, sorry, I didn't mean to say the wrong thing...
[ . . . he'll just reach out then, to lightly touch the back of her hand]
It just sounds like this has been bothering you, Shi-san... and it's hard to watch a friend go through that...
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[she glances over at him and manages a small smile]
No, I... just don't know what to say. [...] Thank you, Mineo.
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You don't have to thank me if I messed up....
[but he does try to give her a small smile]
.... I've been there too. Uh. I don't think I'm even as right as Takeru used to be but... sometimes he said things that hurt a little too much when trying to help, so I'd go quiet because I couldn't say anything back.
[ . . . ]
I'm sorry, if I made you feel anything like that.
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[she smiles back]
...I think it just will take time. There's... you know. More than five hundred years of...
[she waves a hand]
...five hundred years of me not even having a clue that I was the reason he and his family had suffered while he had to know everything and never said a word. I'm sure I must have hurt him over and over without realizing it. I can deal with a few weeks of complicated feelings.
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.... it seems like it's really hard for immortals... I don't know if I can really get it, but if this time really doesn't feel like it's as much to you...
[he still thinks it's uncomfortable, but.]
.... if you're from different points in time [this was said at. A meeting. i don't remember which one. work with me.] do you think that'll change anything when you go home...?
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[yeah. she's... yeah, she's thought of that.]
I don't know. I... I really don't know. If we're not going back to the same point in time, then...
[...well, it's going to be even more complicated.]
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