shiftingwinds | [7rings] catchall for douman

...I'll ask Envy about it.

[Just to hear it from the man himself.]

Qingxuan...do you also know of what Ming Yi did?

[that's fair enough

but at the next question - she shakes her head]

I didn't know. [...] After we got the letter, I... asked, and he told me that he hadn't.

[and, stupidly, she believed him.]

...

[There's a hard look from Douman.]

Did you know that he's done that before?

After the week we saw each other's memories, I knew he was a ghost. [...] And in our world, ghosts can absorb the power of other ghosts by devouring them.

[she looks down on her hands]

I didn't consider that was something that might happen here, though.

[because 1. kaz isn't a ghost and 2. they're all depowered, so what would be the use in devouring him?]

...A ghost?

[Something worried settles in their expression.]

He's no longer of the living?

[she nods once]

Because of... because of me.

["Do you think Ming Yi associates you with that, then? Even though he has never told you a thing?"

"I know he does. There's... no way he couldn't."]

It's a long story. I didn't... know all of it until I came here. [...] I think there are parts of it I still don't know. I didn't see all of his memories, after all, and... he's from further ahead in time than I am. There are things he's experienced that I haven't, yet.

...

[So...he's a ghost. One of the dead? A spirit? Possibly.]

[And considering what they learned...]

Did he ever tell you what he did with your brother?

What he did...?

[her brow furrows slightly at that. she thinks back, to the memories she saw, and then shakes her head.]

I know he confronted the both of us. And... I know my brother tried to kill me, but he stopped him from doing so. That's the last thing I saw, though.

...

[Well, now.]

He did something quite horrible after that, Qingxuan.

What did he...

[her voice trails off; she looks like she's not sure if she should ask.

...shouldn't she just ask him? but then, if he hasn't told her already, would he tell her? that thought hits her, and then she immediately feels guilty for thinking it; the furrow of her brow deepens.]

[Should they even say it? Do they have a right to say it? Something like that is...]

[They don't...know what to do.]

I just don't know if he will tell you.

[That's the problem. And they feel like she deserves to know.]

...

[she looks down, fiddling with the hem of her sleeve.]

...I want to hear it from him. [...] The memories that I did see, he said he was trying to figure out how to tell me, but this place showed me before he could.

So maybe... he's still trying to figure out how to tell me that, too...?

[she

really, really wants to believe in that.]

[...There's no love lost for Ming Yi, based on the way their expression remains hard, serious, unmovable.]

Do you trust him enough for that? You at least had a reason to kill, or at least, you were ordered to. Him? What reason did he have?

[.....Their hands clench into fists on the table.]

That was my message to you, before it got obscured. "Qingxuan...look at your loved ones closely".

[wow! that's advice she could have used a lot sooner. it really is a shame it got obscured. actually, if she'd had that advice centuries ago, maybe everything would have turned out a lot differently.]

I don't know.

[her voice is small.

what reason did he have? for his wish? something about that makes her heart clench uncomfortably, and she bites her lip.]

...he told me that the reason he came here was because of me. [...] So, if he killed him for his wish, then...

[too bad she's not on despair. this would be a despair indulgence if there ever was one.]

He died because of what my brother did to him for my sake, he should know better than anyone, I wouldn't want him to kill someone else for my sake...

[she seems genuinely distressed.]

If he went after your brother for what he did, do you think he would not go after you, too?

[Because it was clearly a situation of YOU PUT ME INTO THIS HORRIFIC SITUATION AND NOW I'LL TAKE REVENGE, as far as Douman understands it.]

Do you think you're safe? Maybe his wish for you was...to get you where he wanted you to be.

Edited 2021-04-02 16:13 (UTC)

Maybe that's what he wanted. I don't... I don't know. That's the whole problem, that's always been the problem - I don't know, and I didn't know, even when I should have.

[she can't say it isn't a possibility. she also can't say she would blame him for it, knowing the bits and pieces that she does.]

But if he wants me dead, there isn't any reason for him to kill Kaz for a wish to get me where he wants. If that was what he wanted he should have just left Kaz out of it.

[there was ample opportunity to just fuckin kill her.]

I don't think he wants you dead.

[There's something withdrawn in their face.]

Speaking as someone who was watching as a creature manipulated you all, bode their time...sometimes, the best reward is watching people suffer instead of outright killing them. Believe me. That curse would've killed whoever they wanted. But there were certain people who they would be more than happy to let live, and then pull out their hopes from underneath them to watch them collapse.

That would be the greatest joy, the greatest delight. Don't think that...because you're not dead now, that you're safe.

[sometimes, the best reward is watching people suffer instead of outright killing them...

she knows that all too well, doesn't she? she lived that, for most of her mortal life. this douman seems to have seen everything the other did; she wonders if that extends to the memories, too.

she falls silent, considering that. thinking that over.

if that's really what ming yi wants, then...]

...You ran away from a monster for your whole life, mortal and immortal.

[And they scowl.]

And this whole time, you were nurturing a monster at your feet and letting it into your bed.

[There's no amount of words for the distaste they have in their mouth. The whole time, they were trapped inside of a monster's mind, unable to act. When they were able to act, they wanted to do what they could to avoid that monster from existing. Dying, getting erased, anything. Anything to stop it.]

[And here, a monster roams free, and is happily allowed to do so. Terrible. How terrible.]

[she flinches, but doesn't argue that, because -

douman isn't wrong. she might not have known what he was the whole time, but she'd stayed close to him. even after learning who and what he really was, she hadn't realized what he'd done. she'd come close to figuring it out, but she'd believed him when he'd said he hadn't.

of everyone here, she's the one person who should have known, and she didn't.

she lowers her head.]

...he became the way he is because of me. [...] I don't know if there's any fixing it.

[especially because whether or not they're actually going to get wishes at the end of this is anyone's guess. she could fix it, if they do. she could prevent her brother from doing what he did, and unmake the monster ming yi is.]

I can at least... try to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else from now on. If he wants revenge, then as long as that revenge ends with me, it's...

[...it's not okay.

but it's something she can accept. if he's tormenting her, he can't torment anyone else.]

Are you mad, Qingxuan?

[Incredibly blunt, comes the question. How very different from the smooth tones of Limbo, hiding behind words. Douman says it like it is, because what use is there to hide it?]

Here I thought you were selfish. But somehow that doesn't extend to your own life? You'll simply throw your life in front of him as an offering? Give up? Let him do whatever he wants with you? And who's to say that after he's done with you, he won't move further? You won't be there to stop him anymore.

[Not that they know Ming Yi well enough to say that he would or wouldn't stop at revenge, but considering he killed Kaz...]

[douman is so valid.]

I...

[she just looks lost, honestly. her hand tightens on the ice she'd grabbed from the freezer, which at this point is probably starting to melt. oh well.]

I don't know. But you said, he might not want me dead. I don't know how long that will last, but if I stay with him, I can try to find a way to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else. [...] I don't want to die. I don't want him to kill anyone else, either.

...I just don't know how to make that happen.

[don't suggest killing him she barely managed to kill eleanor, you think she could manage to kill ming yi?]

Confide this in the others. Don't do this by yourself.

[There's a pang of sympathy, but they still frown.]

You are only one person, after all. I understand your feelings about not wanting to hurt others, but...you know, in tales, voracious creatures are never satisfied with just one meal. They will always want more. You will not solve anything by doing this on your own. Trap him, lock him up, I don't know. If you don't want to kill the man, there are ways of setting him back so he won't be able to hurt others.

[and make him their problem when he shouldn't have been their problem in the first place...?

she nods, though; she can see the wisdom in what douman is saying. the important thing is making sure that they get out of this - all of them - so if it does seem as though ming yi is going to be a threat, they need to take steps to stop him.

...she just really wants to believe that he won't be.

whether he will or won't, though, it's hard to say; shi qingxuan has always been easy to fool. douman had a front-row view of that in the month that they'd been locked up in their own mind, watching limbo fool her.]

...if we end up getting wishes at the end of this... [and that's a big if, at this point.] ...I can fix it. [...] He's the way he is now because of me. That much, at least, I can put right.

But if we don't, then I'll have to find another way to stop him. And in the meantime...

[...well.

that's more complicated. but she's sure they're not the only ones thinking about what to do with him and all of the other murderers who got away.]

...thank you. [she looks up at their face.] For being willing to talk to me about this. It's... difficult, but it's better that it doesn't go unsaid, even if it's not something I like to hear.

Can you really fix it?

[Again, that pang. Talking like this, its been easy to set aside feelings under hurt, and pain, and feeling like they've been betrayed by someone who they thought was a good pure person.]

[But being thanked like this, its...hard. Its hard, because seeing her like this makes them want to reach out. To comfort her. Limbo comforted her, yes, because deep down, there was a genuine desire, under all that evil, to...]

...Qingxuan. [And their voice is quiet, almost hoarse.] I originally wanted to say it because yes. When I saw you, and I talked to others about you, I thought I would never forgive you. How could I? You, who had murdered, who stood by the side of that man...

[Their eyebrows furrow in a pained expression.]

I don't know. I-I don't know. Despite everything, I...even after everything...if only you could be freed from all of this suffering...

[They can't finish.]

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