shiftingwinds | [7rings] catchall for douman

I don't think they are, but...come on back. Come on.

[The majority of them flit back to land in a neat pile in Douman's outstretched hand, at the command. One stays behind on the fan.]

[shi qingxuan giggles and gives the one that remains on her fan another pet with one finger. cute.]

...so, this is really it, huh. We're all getting out of this.

...We are. We really are.

[Yeah, this shikigami is definitely enjoying those pets. Terrible. Douman huffs, slightly.]

Ah, honestly, I...didn't think we would make it. But here we are.

[it's her friend now]

For a little while, I was worried that we wouldn't. [the last couple of weeks were exceedingly tough.] But we managed it, and I'm grateful for it.

[can't believe this shikigami is such a slut]

...We did.

[But now, the question is...]

Qingxuan...are you going home?

[be nice to the shikigami

she pauses, though, when they ask that. a moment later, she nods.]

I am. [...] You're going with Ryan, right?

[no :/]

...Yes.

[A glance downwards, as if self-conscious, before reaching out to rest their hand on the back of hers.]

...Qingxuan. Remember what you promised Limbo?

[A pause. Their dark eyes meet hers.]

May I...ask for a dance?

[oh.

if there was anything she was expecting, it's not that. her eyes meet theirs, and her expression is open in its surprise.

may we dance forever in my dreams.

hurry up and get well, and we can dance for real.

her gaze flicks from their face to their hand on hers, and after a moment, she turns her hand under theirs so that she can hold onto it lightly.]

...of course.

...

[They smile at that, a spark of something in their eyes - happiness? Its hard to say.]

[The shikigami now obediently moves to rest itself on the paper pile, and Douman tucks it away in their sleeve before letting their hand rest on Qingxuan's waist.]

I guess its a fulfillment of a promise.

In a way, yes...

[a promise made to... a different person? another version of themselves?

is it okay to keep it, given that?

she seems comfortable enough with their hand at her waist, although she does bite her lip, looking up to search their expression.]

...I didn't think you would want to...

Qingxuan.

[A light saying of her name, as if saying that is already stating a fact. They move, turning them around in place with footprints in the sand. Their expression is jard to read, vague, but...warm, all the same.]

I was there when the promise was made, you know. It isn't as if Limbo was the only one with that idea.

[...that's right. douman was there the whole time.

she wonders what it must have been like, to see all of that - what must they have been thinking, that entire time? it seems almost insensitive to ask, but they're volunteering some of it anyway.

if limbo wasn't the only one with the idea...]

...then, I'm glad that we could dance.

...I'm glad, too.

[Its said quietly, almost a whisper under the breeze.]

[Limbo watched some videos, read some books - the dances of the Heian era were more ritualistic, or theatrical, or known only by nobility. The ones of the modern era were quite foreign, for Douman to understand. There's a certain awkwardness in the way they move, not wanting to step on her feet, but there's still elegance and grace in the way they hold themselves, twirling her around.]

[As they do so, they can't help but keep their eyes fixed on her face. That beautiful, beautiful face. A face that had seen suffering, and pain in its future.]

[Their grip tightens, just slightly.]

Limbo wanted to dance under a red sky, red as blood, though. [....] But I wanted to dance you under a blue one.

[it's said so quietly that shi qingxuan almost doesn't hear it - but just loudly enough that she does, and it brings a soft smile to her face.

despite everything, they still wanted to dance with her...? they're actually glad about it? she knows it must bring up a lot of complicated feelings, to be close to her know, knowing that she was close to limbo, but -

it means a lot that they still want this, despite that.

the dances of her homeland and the heavens are quite different from the dances from the videos and books - much more similar to the dances of the heian era than anything else - but she's a quick enough learner, and observant enough to watch douman's movements and adjust accordingly. they don't need to worry about stepping on her feet, and the elegance and grace they possessed is mirrored in her.

it's almost too easy, to twirl with them like this.

her eyes widen slightly in surprise at the tightening of their grip, but - "limbo" is the next word they speak, and she figures it must be because of the reminder of what limbo had wanted.]

A blue sky, hm? [this is the closest they're going to get to a truly blue sky in space, isn't it? but it's nice here - peaceful - and the atmosphere is downright positive, given what they've all accomplished. most of the people who would make things less peaceful have already peaced out.] ...you got what you wanted, then. I'm happy to hear that.

[especially after so long not getting what they wanted.]

...

[Of course, its easy to think that they got everything they wanted. Limbo is gone. Everyone who deserved to live is living. The threat is defeated. They have Ryan at their side, loving Ryan, and a home to return to with him by their side. But...]

[They huff, like the beginning of a laugh, and duck their head slightly.]

I've got everything except for one thing, Qingxuan.

Everything but one...?

[her brow furrows, and she looks - well, a little concerned. what more is there that they want, after this? is it something they can't get, even with their wish...? limbo is gone without the use of it; they're going with ryan easily enough, just stepping through a portal.

what more is there?]

[Emotionshare week might be over, and its not as if Douman's thoughts can be broadcasted so easily, but there's something in the way their expression shifts, anxious and self-conscious, at the question.]

[There's a pause - they worry at their lower lip for a brief few seconds, trying to work up the nerve, and then manage to lift their eyes up to stare back at her.]

...You, Qingxuan.

[there's a moment where she's just - silent, not quite comprehending it.

maybe it shouldn't come as this much of a surprise. hadn't they said, just says ago - even in the midst of what must have been a whole maelstrom of painful, conflicted feelings, after so suddenly being dragged back to life - that they don't want her dead?

but there's a difference between wanting her to live, and wanting her, period.

her eyes widen slightly, and she stares back at them, her cheeks flushing a faint pink.]

—me?

...Yes.

[They've stopped twirling with her for a moment. Its nervewracking, the way their heart pounds over and over again inside their chest, the beat roaring in their ears, and they hope that somehow Qingxuan won't be able to hear.]

[Days ago, everything had felt so different. But was it really different? Or was it just being lost in a fog, believing in one version of things and then learning to find that things are very different than what they seemed. Perhaps their heart is clearer. Perhaps its more clouded, fearful, scared of her fate and where she might end up.]

[Their own cheeks flushed, their eyes start to water.]

The only thing that is missing...that I'm missing, is...you.

[oh.

shi qingxuan is weak in a lot of ways, but she's especially weak to tears, and seeing douman's eyes begin watering has her drawing her hands back from theirs - but only so she can reach up to cup their cheeks, her thumbs there to brush away any tears that do actually spill over.]

...I didn't realize...

[she hadn't thought they knew her well enough to get that attached?

although - no, that's not really the case, is it? they were there the whole time. and that whole time, with limbo, she'd been genuine. shi qingxuan does not and has not ever known how to be anyone other than who she is.

she's the one that didn't know them as well as she'd thought, because that whole time, it was limbo she was getting to know.]

I thought - you and Ryan...?

Edited (hit enter too soon) 2021-04-08 00:31 (UTC)

[Douman's cheeks warm under her touch, lower lip trembling. Its one thing to say this and just have Qingxuan listen, but another to have her reach out to comfort the, to catch tears as they fall.]

[For several days they had thought she was selfish. Manipulative. The type of person who sat with evil, and allowed it to persist.]

[But here, how could this be anything but a kind gesture? How could her words have been anything but sincere, even with Limbo? Limbo...had been taken by her. A human-like god, a god-like human, and even that monster in human flesh had been charmed, like the lion who sleeps near the kindly soul that plucked a thorn out of its paw...]

Of course... [Douman starts, stops, too overwhelmed by emotion.] O-of course, Ryan and I, we will...be together. I would never abandon him. But...but if I could...reach out my hand to you as well and hold it tightly and never let go...I would be...more than happy.

[ryan had told her, the night before - he'd asked if douman would be alright with it, if he invited her to come along with them. at the time, with much left unresolved between them, she'd thought that douman had agreed for ryan's sake.

...but maybe it was partly for their sake, too. or for hers? she knows quite well what they think is waiting for her in her own world.

if she's being honest, it warms her heart. even if it's complicated and in some cases a little painful, it's a good feeling, knowing that someone cares that much.

especially when the person in question is someone she cares for, too.]

...it makes me happy to hear that. [her voice is soft.] Really, it does.

[...

but.

but, she has to go home. there are wrongs that she needs to right - even if she can't do it by rewriting fate, even if there really is no changing the past, there's still the present to contend with. there's her brother, who still has no idea that she knows what he did. her brother, who rose to his position naturally, but was all too willing to pull her up on the backs of people who didn't deserve to suffer. her brother, who even in the future, confronted with proof of his crimes, won't regret what he's done.

ming yi - he xuan - is one thing; but she's kept her brother just as close. doesn't she need to make sure he won't hurt anyone else, too?]

I don't want you to think that I don't care for you, Douman. Because I do. [she reaches for their hand, then brings it to rest over her heart - it's beating quickly.] Very much. I... I want to see you happy.

[...]

But... I don't know if I can do what you want me to do.

[she can't stay.]

[They half expected that answer, but it still doesn't make it any less disappointing. Of course. SQX is a determined god, and the problems in her world are ones too much for even a simple mortal to grasp.]

[But Douman is ever selfish. Their grip tightens again on her waist, but releases, - they are unwilling to pull back, as if that very action would mean she would be fly away instantly, never to return again. Like a butterfly, doomed never to be caught.]

[The priest feels the tears run down their cheeks. Her heart is beating so quickly. Just like theirs.]

...Please. If you can't stay, just...visit. Just see Ryan's world. I'm sure you'd like it. For a little while.

[A shuddering sigh.]

I know I can't...keep you forever.

[the hand that isn't holding theirs over her heart quickly comes up again, to try and wipe the tears from their cheeks - it's almost reminiscent of a few days before. she even tucks her hand into her sleep to make it easier.]

That, I can promise.

[she smiles, and there's something a little sad and a little lonely in it.]

I can't stay, but I don't... I don't want to say goodbye forever, either. I want to see you again.

...I want you to be safe.

[Above everything, that's what they wish for.]

How can I guarantee that?

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gmail my notifs...

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